Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Diary of a Quitter; Phase 1 Week 1

I decided to journal my day and my smoking, and write it down exactly. There will be no editing, or censoring through this process. It may get ugly, and it may suck, and you lucky bastards get to go through it all with me! If you haven't read the plan, you should probably go do that. I'll wait.
Okay. Lets do this...

Phase 1: Day 1 Friday 1/3 114.0 lbs (I decided to track my weight too, just to see...)
Timeline: 6:40am awake. Have to work today, but BabyDoll comes with me, so I don't have to drive to school and then to work. 
7:16 First cigarette. Fuck its cold outside. I must be crazy
8:16 Half cigarette before leaving for work
9-5 At work and have never smoked here, so no big deal
5:30 Half because it’s so fucking cold. Drive home from worked sucked without smoking, but yay me I did it! Of course, it’ll be much harder when I know I can’t have one when I get out of the car.

6:15 Half walking to car to go to dinner
7:30 Half on way out of restaurant
9:10 Half arguing with BabyDoll about homework and ready to break shit
9:45 Half before bed
Totals: I smoked 7 times today, and a total of 4 cigarettes
Thoughts: Im gonna call today a win. I did pretty fucking good considering I usually smoke 20-30 a day and I only smoked 4! Given that it was a work day it was a bit easier. Worried about tomorrow.

Phase 1: Day 2 Saturday 1/4 113.4 lbs
Timeline: 8:15am awake
8:40 First cigarette half
9:05 Half before getting ready for the day
From 9:40 until 2 we went shopping to a million different places. I did NOT smoke in the car at all, I had half cigarettes on the way in or out of stores, but not every one, which is not bad.
3:55 Half after finished putting everything away
5:45 Half before cooking dinner
6:40 Whole one after dinner. Still fucking cold.
8:40 Half break from homework
9:45 before bed
Totals: I smoked 15 times today, and a total of 8 cigarettes
Thoughts: In and out of the car sucks. A huge habit to break is going to be lighting a cigarette every time I get in the car. Even if I’m in and out of the car 100 times a day its always been Sit down, buckle up, light up, start the car. Still, 8 cigarettes isn’t bad.

Phase 1: Day 3 Sunday 1/5 114.4 lbs
Timeline: 9:30am awake and Holy Shit I can’t believe BabyDoll let me sleep that late!
 9:40 Whole one. So much snow. So much cold.
10:00 Whole one. Yes, I just had one but I an NOT shoveling 10 inches of snow without a cigarette goddammit
11:24 Whole one when The Fiance got home and I had to supervise his turn with the shovel
12:20 Less than half too cold
12:50 Half
1:40 Half
2:15 Half after lunch
3:25 Half
4:10 Half
5:10 Half
5:30 Half
6:10 Half
6:30 Half
7:40 Half
8:40 Half
9:20 Half
9:25 Other half (got a phone call as soon as I put it out the first time, finished it)
9:45 Half
10:30 Half
Totals: Smoked 19 times, 11 cigarettes
Thoughts: Not great, but okay. Still about half what I’m used to, and I have been stuck in the house during Snowmagedden and going a bit crazy. Maybe I will do better tomorrow. Still haven’t smoked in the house or car, so there’s that.

Phase 1: Day 4 Monday 1/6 113.8 lbs
Timeline: 9:15 awake – supposed to be working today, but BabyDoll is running a bit of a fever
9:30 Half
10:15 Half
11:30 Half
12:10 Half
12:52 Half
1:37 Half
2:12 Half
2:57 Half
3:30 Half
4:26 Half
5:25 Half
6:34 Half after dinner
8:06 Half stuck in between the door and the storm door, because -30 is TOO FUCKING COLD
8:56 Half
9:55 Half
11:05 Half
12:25 Half The door handle actually hurt my hand because its so cold OMG
Totals: I smoked 17 times for a total of 8 ½ cigarettes
Thoughts: Not bad, home with a sick kid all day and less than a half a pack

Phase 1: Day 5 Tuesday 1/7 114.4 lbs
Timeline: Awake at 8:10 I may lose my shit being stuck in this house. Again.
8:50 Half Its actually -34 degrees outside. Stupid. Fucking. Addiction.
10:38 Half
11:27 Half So cold it actually hurts
12:17 Half
1:06 Half After lunch
2:20 Half
3:24 Half
5:14 Half
6:51 Half             
7:48 Half After dinner
8:50 Half
10:48 Half
11:35 Half
Totals: Smoked 13 times, 6 ½ cigarettes
Thoughts: Not sure how I pulled that off, but fuck yea!

Phase 1: Day 6 Wednesday 1/8 114.4 lbs
Timeline: Awake at 6:00. Back to work today. I’m a little freaked out, because I literally have not left the house in DAYS.
6:42 Half Fucking cold. I just wanna go back to bed.
8:00 Half
8:30 Half on the way to car. BabyDoll to school and then to work without a cigarette. Not sure how this is gonna work all day though.
9:00-3:30 leave work and OMG I need to smoke but I can’t. Fuck it, I’m stopping at Dunkin Donuts. BabyDoll will love it.
3:42 Less than half on the way into Dunkin and I had to throw it away because of the stupid snow.
4:00 Less than half on the way out of Dunkin
4:50 Half on the way into the dance studio
6:30 Half on the way out of the studio
7:00 Half on the way back into the studio
8:30 Half on the way out of the studio. Again
Car made noise all the way home. Didn’t smoke. Swore a lot though.
9:00 Half at home
9:30 Half on the phone with dad
11:00 Half. Took a bath. Without a cigarette L
12:00 Half before bed
Totals: Smoked 13 times, 6 ½ cigarettes
Thoughts: Not bad. Driving sucks. Taking a bath sucks. Quitting sucks.

Phase 1: Day 6 Thursday 1/9 114.2 lbs
Timeline: Awake at 6:45.
7:05 Half
7:37 Half
And then my car completely fucking broke. I had to call my dad to come save me. Fuck my entire life I cannot deal with this shit I’m smoking.

And that I smoked for the rest of the day. Not in the house, but in my broke down car, in dad's car, every fucking where I could. I do not deal well with my car being broken. I do not deal well with being stuck at home. I do not deal well with not knowing how long I will be without transportation. No its not an excuse, but that’s it. I tried to start again the next day, but then the car situation was all screwed up, and I had no idea how I was getting to where I needed to go. So I suck, I called the rest of the week a loss, decided to start phase 1 over again on Monday.

I did really well, right up until the shit hit the fan. Which is pretty typical I think, though I'm not happy about it. I'll start over Monday.

No comments:

Post a Comment